My Nightmare

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Most people have nightmares about being chased... about falling... about public humiliation.

Three days pre-op and I'm having nightmares about surgery.  To be expected, I'm sure.

But I sort of assumed that my nightmares would be of the normal variety - waking up during surgery, a missing limb, operating on the wrong leg.. or even a doctor wielding a saw.

The smiles are the scariest.
That said, I have never been one for normal.  And my nightmare last night definitely showed the depth of my anxiety.  

I dreamed that I was in the waiting room.  By myself.  Just... waiting.  Watching each person go ahead of me and not knowing what was going to happen next.  I just kept asking for Mike - and no one would help.  The anxiety in the dream was palpable - and all because I didn't know what was happening.

I woke up just as my name was called.

Our dreams help our subconscious to work through fears and anxieties that we don't work through during the day.

And this dream was no exception.  After I woke, I reassured myself that I knew what was going to happen the day of surgery.  Visualizing parking the car, walking in through the giant blue bubble sculptures outside the hospital, checking in, probably arguing with registration about peeing into a cup, and then being called up.  Changing into a hospital gown and restfully (!!) getting an IV.

I'm sure I'm missing steps here.  And I'm sure that the dark brown isolating waiting room of my nightmare won't come to pass.

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